Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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