Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
