Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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