Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
