you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
True college students do jello shots in the library
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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