just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Randomize
