No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Randomize
