If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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