they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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