Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
