i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
