I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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