I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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