Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
