Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
