Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
