We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
