Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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