my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
