You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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