Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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