There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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