people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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