My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
