Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
