You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
