I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
