he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
