dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
