Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
