Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Randomize
