Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Randomize
