You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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