i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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