If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
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