got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
