my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
