There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
