I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
