You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
