its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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