They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
