absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
