i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
