I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
