Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
