Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
