My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
