My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
