It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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